Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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