I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
