cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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