Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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