did you get engaged???
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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