Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
