you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
