just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize