eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
