my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm like, not good at living.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
