dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
