all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
