im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
