He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
