We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
