Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
