It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
