You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
