i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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