I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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