i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
