like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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