community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
