Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize