I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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