I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My dick has a subreddit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
