burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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