Don't you send me to vm
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
