The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
