so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
