I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
