I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
