trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
