Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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