my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
