I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
