woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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