how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
