I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
