I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
