Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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