If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
