she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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