I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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