and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
