Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
