I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
