how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
