How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
