Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
