It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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