More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
