Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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