I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
