Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found your dick twin last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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