proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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