I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
