i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
