dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
