Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
