Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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