So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
