If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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