she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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