i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
