pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
