yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
