I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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