I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize