my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
