I didn't shave. On purpose
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
