Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
