Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
