I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
