why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize