The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
