Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
