I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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