There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
