So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
