A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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