member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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