that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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