I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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