i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
