There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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