omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
