I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
