EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
