I will die if light touches me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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