Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
