Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
