I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
