Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
