how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
